Sometimes, butterflies in a relationship go away. And, it’s actually kind of awesome.
Now – before everyone freaks the heck out; J and I are still madly in love – I still think he’s one of the greatest blessings God has seen fit to bestow on me, and he feels the same way about me. We’re not breaking up, and that’s nowhere near what I’m talking about. Glad we got that out of the way.
So back to those butterflies.
I love the feeling I get when I see J after a few weeks of being apart. I love how giddy I get leading up to the visit, and how I kind of, sort of, turn into a 16 year old girl. It’s fun. But, and here’s the part that will cause everyone to ask who exactly kidnapped me and took over my blog: those butterflies go away. When we were seeing each other every single day, I would go days without getting that little elevator-drop thrill in my stomach. And it was completely fine. It was better than fine.
You see, once you get past the new-ness of a relationship, it’s my experience that the best part of being together actually starts.
Uncovering past baggage. J and I could never had talked about our personal and generational strongholds if every time we got together, we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves long enough to have a conversation. Or if I was too busy worrying about what he was thinking to be able to focus and truly talk to him. Arguing. He and I have had some AMAZING personal and relational growth through the arguments we’ve gotten to have. Arguments that wouldn’t have been possible if we were in that ‘honeymoon’ stage.
I think a lot of women today have been set up for failure in our relationships. “There’s no spark.” “I don’t get butterflies anymore.” “I’m supposed to want to be with him all the time.” These are things I’d almost guarantee you that you have either said yourself, or heard another woman say. And it is complete and total… Bull…um, nonsense. Romance novels, television, movies, music, you name it. They all say that the second the “spark” goes away – run. Move on. Time to upgrade.
Everything in our culture says this – why do you think Apple is able to release a new iPhone every year? And sales continue to go through the roof. We’ve set ourselves up to look at all relationships as consumer relationships – this person has a flaw and is no longer exciting. Update, upgrade, move on.
And we wonder why the divorce rate is soaring over 50%.
I love J. I do. He and I are planning our futures together. Marriage, kids, grand kids, in laws – we’ve talked about it all. And we can’t wait for what’s next. But my favorite, favorite part of being with him? That the butterflies have kind of… slowed down. That I’ve gotten past the honeymoon stage. To the good stuff. The real stuff.
Yeah, I’ve been walking around like a high schooler the last two weeks, getting ready for the visit. Jumping up and down and counting the days. And I absolutely still get them when I see him and get that “I’ve missed you” bear hug and kiss that goes with it.
But those aren’t the things that are going to get us through to grand kids and a 60th wedding anniversary. That is going to be the less “romantic” stuff. Our faith. Our community. Sheer determination. The talks that happen in the day to day about life and plans. And the fact that long after the butterflies go away, we don’t look for them elsewhere – we will actively, purposefully, willingly, and intentionally choose to love each other. Every. Single. Day.